Tuesday, August 21, 2012

4 a.m.

Sitting here feeling kind of crazy..

I sat in the bathtub drinking his favorite wine. My mascara was smeared, throat scratching it was like my whole body was aching for… Him…

Except he wasn’t here to heal it . My head was spinning and my mind was stuck. I wanted the pain to go away. To stop loving him but I couldn’t it’s like. When you love a man so much even through all the bullshit and pain that he puts you through  you stay with him like a dumb ass. Yeah that’s what I felt like a fool in love. I looked down at my wrists. I touched the scars that where surely fading away. 
He made my do this. It’s his fault that I’m in the state. I want him to suffer like I’m suffering. I want him to feel the pain that I’m experiencing right now… Heartbreak….

I’m hurting and he don’t even care. 
The tears began to pour down my face. How could I be so stupid to stay with a man that you knew was in love with somebody else. I thought maybe that I was enough. Maybe I could mend his broken heart , but I couldn’t. My heart is hurting right now and he probably don’t even care. I tipped my wine glass to the side of the tub letting the clear substance run down to the ground. 
I felt my body get hot and my bold felt like it was clotting up my skin. I had to release to stop the pain that he’s stirring in my body and mind. I took the wine glass and hit it on the side of the tub. I watched as the beautiful glass fell apart from the hard blow… It reminded me of my heart. I took the sharpest piece and placed it to my skin. I watched as the red substance leave my body and appear on my skin seeping into the water turning it a murky red. 
I sat there and let the pain of my cut take the cut in my heart away… I turned to the clock to see it just hit 4 a.m. 
I only know it’s 4 a.m


I know really short but, I 'm going to make up for it.... S.N this is Rihanna talking.... I'm going to make a schedule and so I can tell you guys when and when I'm not gonna update. I might not update all the time cause I am a SENIOR in high school and I do have to focus on that. So if I say I update and I don't please don't get made... Thank you- Milli